Holiday season 2016 fat coping strategies 

Oh my days mate I can’t stuff anymore into my mouth I’m like actually gonna explode

I realise most of these are going to be easier said than done but bear with me. I’m a seasoned fatty and I know what I’m doing when it comes to coping with bulk quantities of food.

  1. Cut the crap – by this I mean don’t waste valuable stomach space-time by eating things you don’t enjoy. My personal strategy this year (for the dinner at least) is to just eat roast potatoes because I love potato. Just baetato
  2. Avoid fizzy drinks – all that gas and fucking bubbles takes up valuable food space in your belly. You could fit in another 6 roast potatoes instead of that glass of Coke.
  3. Take it slow – there’s no point in rushing. Enjoy the food because it’s gonna keep on coming. Unless of course speed is your aim.
  4. Don’t be peer pressured – someone keeps offering you mince pies when you’d rather another round of dinner? Tell them to piss off. It’s your stomach and you can do what you like with it.
  5. Nap – taking regular naps through an extended eating session revitalises you and gives you energy to keep finding places to fit more food into your body.
  6. Variety is key – you’re gonna need to get into the zone for this one. If you keep eating the same thing you’re gonna get bored and full quickly. Variety is key. Savoury then sweet. Main then dessert then main again. Keep on layering to eternity. It’s about mind games. Be a pLayer.

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