I’ve had about 4 months of doing nothing.
The first three months I managed to effectively distract myself and in truth I wasn’t genuinely doing nothing, I just wasn’t at work. I was occupied though. However, for the last month I have almost exclusively been doing nothing. I’m doing nothing with a purpose. It is uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable not to be productive. I am not producing or being efficient and I’m not getting the associated little dopamine hits. Not doing something “worthwhile” with my time is uncomfortable. I’m not a producing working member of society.
This is the second time in my life I have had a prolonged period of doing nothing. The first time was easier than this time because it was novel, I was much younger and I was able to still distract myself with trivial things. This time I feel like I have to get used to it for the time being. I feel that at times it is healthy to be undistracted like I am now. On the positive side I may even get some mental clarity from doing and thinking nothing.
I truly find doing nothing mentally draining. I find myself imposing a routine on myself which mainly revolves around watching Big Brother at 10pm. I have a nagging feeling I should force myself to do more, but then another part of me accepts that this is a time when I should embrace the limbo-land nothingness.
Why am I so uncomfortable being undistracted?