I’m a dumb sheep.
I’m easily influenced and I admit to just following the herd and opting for a “safe career option” when I finsihed university.
I naively thought I would be happy in an office. The marketing materials for office jobs are deceptive. In reality I was spending 12 hours of my day straining and drying my eyes out behind a screen. Looking busy around vain vacuous corporate titles. Pretending to look like I gave a shit about someone’s opinion because they’re “senior”. I can’t do it. I can’t pretend, my face gives it away. These “senior” people have spent most of their entire adult lives chasing the cash up a corporate ladder. They have shown no creativity but disguising their greed as admirable. I can’t respect them. I can’t pretend to look interested for the sake of someone’s corporate title while they reverse the natural movement of their bowels and project shit coated words in my direction. It’s fake.
I do not find spending my life behind a screen, being paid enough to be comfortably trapped, all while enriching the rich fulfilling. Great if you do. I feel stupid for falling for the idea that this was a somehow a great way to continue my life after university. It just all seems like a glorified victorian workhouse, albeit with better sanitation, comfier beds and “weekends”. Although in my experience the enjoyment of “weekends” are slowly dying. I see this “working from home” piece of genius as a way to slowly chip away at the weekends. Add work-phones to that too. I know people that needlessly work evenings and weekends constantly in an attempt to look busy. It screams of “look at me I am so into my glossy office job, so interested in my excel sheets, and I’m putting in so many more hours than you, pathetic lazy piece of shit who dares to enjoy weekends. And look at me making those at the top richer, so I can climb the turd-slicked slippery corporate ladder, so that I can exploit all these man made social constructs and call myself better than you. Oh and I will own more things than you before we die”
I accept that maybe I am just an arse and I need to get real.