Cheap coats

I bought a cheap coat. I forgot for a second that I am larger than life. Such a noob. It's not like I even needed another coat, I have a perfectly fine more expensive coat that fits me well. I am aware price doesn't necessarily reflect quality but this coat was sooo cheap. It was... Continue Reading →

Broken butt 

A few weekends ago I happened to partake in some self inflicted public humiliation. I've always wanted to learn how to use a pair of inline skates. Thing is I have crap balance and I'm fat. I was a blob on wheels, and if that wasn't humiliating enough, I had to go falling (bouncing) on... Continue Reading →

Penis swastikas

"When in Amsterdam...." I went to Amsterdam this weekend. The joys of Amsterdam are not too blasé enough for me yet. On the flight out I was sitting alone as my travel companion's assigned seat was way at the front of the plane. I sat down and next to me  I was joined by a... Continue Reading →

Whipping up the baes

When people ask what I got up to at the weekend I rarely go admitting that I laid in bed eating carbs and watched 90's sitcoms. I usually say something bland like "went for a walk". I'm not lying. I technically walked to the fridge and back. Every little helps.  Believe it or not my... Continue Reading →

Time to think

I've never actually looked extensively at chain coffee shop menus. I know they offer an extensive variety of drinks and variations. I don't think I've ever got more daring than a caramel latte. This is because I'm asked for my order as soon as I enter the shop and I'm too awkward to say "give... Continue Reading →

Sharing is caring 

I've never shared a 'sharing' bag of crisps and I never will. This probably explains why my double bed is feeling increasingly tight each night I get into it. I guess I'll just have to buy a bigger bed tbh because there is no way I'm cutting crisps out. I will always be a greasy... Continue Reading →

Millennial dream

Like, actually too much effort though mate When I was significantly heavier and used to actually do sweet fa with my life movement was such an effort. I remember laying in bed one time watching some shit YouTube videos and eating butter from the tub because I genuinely couldn't be arsed to go out and... Continue Reading →

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